Welcome to Billy Bob Joe's Pancakes and Waffles!
Welcome to Billy Bob Joe's Pancakes and Waffles! We make the finest, most delectable pancakes in the wild, wild, west and ship them out to anywhere in the world in less than a day! In fact, if you lived on the exact opposite side of the world, you would receive your pancakes in only 4 hours due to our specially designed supersonic rockets!
How it Works
It's simple. You call us at 1-800-SupersonicPancakes and we will immediately begin making your pancakes or waffles, and will ship them to you immediately after they are cooked up. We guarantee that you will receive your pancakes in no more than 5 hours if you live near the middle of the Indian Ocean, and in even less time if you live anywhere else. If you live in the United States, you should receive your pancakes or waffles in less than an hour.
Our "Bossa Nova" Rockets
Our rockets are absolutely state of the art, and are so cool that we deemed them "Bossa Nova" rockets. They travel at speeds ranging from Mach 3.5 to 4.5, or 2,664 to 3,425 miles per hour. We guarantee that you will get your pancakes super fast, and that they will be kept warm within the quite warm rocket (in fact, some of our recipes are even designed to cook inside the rocket while being delivered to you). And, once you get your pancakes or waffles, you get to keep the rocket as a souvenir!
Menu and Pricing
Unfortunately, due to our state of the art delivery system, our pancakes and waffles can be a bit expensive. However, they are so good we're sure you'll keep coming back for more!
| Basic Buttermilk Pancakes (12) | $1,000,000 |
| Award-Winning Chocolate Chip Pancakes (12) | $1,100,000 |
| Buttermilk Pancake Waffle Combo (6 of each) | $1,000,100 |
| Buttermilk Waffles (12) | $1,001,000 |
| Chocolate Chip Waffles (12) | $1,101,000 |
| Award-Winning Orange Citrus Pancakes (12) | $1,500,000 |
| Award-Winning Strawberry Waffles (12) | $1,500,000 |
| Award-Winning Blueberry Pancakes (12) | $1,500,000 |
| Award-Winning Apricot Waffles (12) | $1,600,000 |
| Award-Winning Mango Waffles (12) | $1,700,000 |
| Competition-Dominating Billy Bob Joe's Signature Pancakes (12) | $2,500,000 |
| Competition-Dominating Billy Bob Joe's Signature Waffles (12) | $2,500,000 |
| Billy Bob Joe's Signature Pancakes and Waffle Combo (6 of each) | $2,500,000 |
| Billy Bob Joe's All-You-Can-Eat Buffet (12 of everything) | $10,000,000 |
Controversies and the Unethical Practices of Timothy's Terrifyingly Terrific Pancakes and Waffles
Our business is often slandered and maligned by the unethical and jealous Timothy's Terrifyingly Terrific Pancakes and Waffles. At the International Pancake Festival, they only beat us in one category: buttermilk pancakes. All of the pancakes and waffles listed in the menu above that say "award-winning" got first place in their categories at the festival (the fruit ones got first through fifth place, with Mango coming in first), and Billy Bob Joe's signature pancakes and waffles won the Grand Prize - meaning that they were deemed the best pancakes and waffles in the entire world.
The Misfired Missile Fiasco
After rigorous investigation, we at Billy Bob Joe's Pancakes and Waffles have become convinced that the missile that crashed into an Oklahoma farm was launched by an undercover agent of Timothy's Terrifyingly Terrific Pancakes and Waffles who infiltrated our business by getting hired as an employee. We guarantee that this will never happen again, and that we will get to the bottom of this issue and potentially file against Timothy's Terrifyingly Terrific Pancakes and Waffles, whose only goal seems to be to bring us to ruin.
Thank you for visiting our website. We run our business with the strictest ethics, and guarantee that if you are unsatisfied with your purchase it will be your fault and not ours. So buy our pancakes and waffles, dude (or dudette)!